I’ve entered a really cool time in my life, guys. I graduated from college a few weeks ago. I just started my (first) full-time job. I’ve all but figured out where I’ll be completing my Master’s degree. And, did I mention I’m getting
married in less than four months?
My life, and soul, has felt in a bit of a re-shuffle recently. I’ve already started packing up my bedroom, in preparation for moving into the new place with my soon to be husband. And in so doing, it’s as if I’ve already started to close a chapter of my life while metamorphosing into another. My clothing choices both while shopping and in daily “getting ready for work” have begun to get subtly more professional and pulled together. My mental organization is rising to the challenge of this new, exciting job. My time management is subconsciously beginning to reshuffle toward efficiency. Not to mention my sleep habits are now focused to allow for time to (eventually) work out before work every morning.
Through this process and new part of my life, as in all things in my life, I’ve become reflective.
I’m learning that I am a visual person. This has become the most apparent during wedding planning, but I’ve found that I’m not confident
about a plan I have until I can see it unfold. So, for example, I’m not confident with how the wedding will look and play out, until I can see it. (But, like, this is really stressful for me, because I have no idea how all of the different pieces will come together until the wedding day. I’ve made a photo collage, in an attempt to help me visualize how the day will look, but it’s only mildly helping. So that’s fun.) Learning this about myself has really allowed me to be creative about how I understand plans and directives.
I’m learning that I am a naturally a passive person. I’ve known this about myself for awhile, but it wasn’t until recently that I decided to challenge this trait. In the past, I’ve let bigger personalities speak over me and for me, and I wouldn’t argue, because I don’t like confrontation. However, I’ve gotten to the point where I know I can’t continue to stress about things, or bottle feelings up, about situations or people that I don’t say “no” to. I’ve also realized that I’m a people-pleaser (note: this has also caused some rub while wedding planning), and I allow my supervisors at work to talk me into working more and longer than I would like. I’m exercising my assertive muscle, and it’s been really exhilarating standing up for myself.
I’ve mentioned this in the past, but I’m learning how important it is to stand up for my future. It is more than okay to be persistent about career plans that are the best for your future. A few months ago, I was being offered a supervisory position at a residential home I frequently work at, by a good friend of mine, who is a
higher up in this company. Though I was excited about the responsibility I would be taking on, the hours and demands were not sitting well with me, and it wasn’t truly in line with my career plans or grad school experience. Then, this new position was offered to me, from within the same company but a different department, and it fit what I wanted one hundred percent! I had a few days of tension, because I felt I had an obligation to my friend, who had offered me the position first, but I wanted the other one a lot more. (Spoiler: the supervisory job ultimately fell through, so I didn’t necessarily have to make the decision.) However, I was beginning to prepare myself for the hard conversation that I would have to have if I needed to chose. There was a wild sense of peace and confidence when I chose my future.
I’m learning that I should care about my well-being a lot. As I’m getting older and taking on more important, and soon to be, more difficult, schedules, I need to find time for me. I’m also learning that I’m
going to interact with other staff that I’m going to struggle with. I know this is a fact of life, an uncomfortable one, but a fact nonetheless. However, I’m learning that it is okay to step away from a position if a staff is wrecking havoc on my well-being. For context (and I have to be really careful here because my above mentioned friend reads my blog), the place were I was offered the supervisory position had a staff that I really struggled with. There were some family and friendship ties with this staff and the house supervisors that made me (and other staff in the home) feel that any concerns wouldn’t be taken as priority. I mentioned previously that I may have struggled with social anxiety when I was younger, and with this staff, those feelings came back in overwhelming, silencing ways. Before my current job was finalized, I learned that this staff would be transferring over to this home for a full-time position, and I knew I needed to leave. There are quite a lot of particulars that made this situation really stressful for me, but I reminded myself that my sanity (and the overall work environment for the individuals) needed to be paramount. To quote a previous post, “If a situation is directly affecting my sanity, attitude, and future, it is my responsibility to change that. My well-being should be my main focus.”
I’m learning that I am tired of politics. I’m sick and tired of having the same conversations about abortion, border control/ immigration policies, gun control, etc. It’s to the point that even my fiancé hardly brings those topics up any more (sorry, babe). It’s not that I don’t want to be involved in what is going on around me; I think it’s more that I’ve grown weary of biased information, name calling and fallacies, emotional tactics, and the same wars fought
with no new weaponry. I’ve heard it all before and I don’t want to hear any more.
I’m learning that I can’t stand hearing belittling comments against those in Congress who have different beliefs than those around me. It’s to the point that I even start to get defensive for those under attack. I get that I, and those around me, don’t agree with a lot of people in government, but at the end of the day, we are all God’s children. How horrible is it that we take delight in demeaning and ridiculing loved and cherished hand-made beings straight from the hand of God?
I’m learning “I don’t know enough to have an opinion” is a powerful statement. I really value using this, because I know there are things in this world I don’t know. Admitting this releases pressure to have an opinion, and it protects against sounding ignorant and uninformed. I’d rather admit I don’t know something, than sound stupid.
I’m learning that saying, and owning, “I’m sorry, that was my fault” is a humbling and powerful habit. I’ve really forced myself to do this every time I notice I made a mistake. The vulnerable place I put myself into to admit this is uncomfortable, but I think it’s good to feel this way sometimes. I also know I would rather feel uncomfortable and admit I messed up, than be caught later down the road, not having reported it.
I’m learning that it’s okay to recognize that life may get too much sometimes, and it is okay to let things go as necessary. I started this year with an intensive work out
schedule planned in front of me. However, two months in, with my last semester of college in full swing, and working multiple long shifts during the week, left me run-down and several days behind in my exercise plan. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy for awhile, but eventually, I recognized that life is a balancing act, and it is okay to stop something that is throwing me off.
I’m learning that I’m a sap about big, simple things. I’m learning this the most as time ticks closer to the wedding. A few weeks ago, my mom and I were talking about the big things that were happening this year. My parents turned 50, I graduated college, I’m getting married, and while listing these things off together, I mentioned that they were gaining a
son-in-law. This statement settled heavy in the air, and I could tell Mom and I felt this hit home at the same time. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes, because I realized my family unit was changing. This is a normal fact of life, but when things like this hit my heart, they kind of take my breath away.